I Paint Freely. Layer by Layer
When feeling takes precedence over form.
Before fear begins to rule.
This creative journey documents an intuitive and inner artistic process. It is a story in color, form and words, a journey from the imprint of the body to the reflection of the soul. It is not linear, not perfect. But it is true.
Below is a collection of reflections, images and inner landscapes created in the moment, without a plan, without a goal, just as testimony from a heart that dares to express itself.
Dissolving blockages through creation
Sometimes resistance arises as a painting nears completion.
You feel like something is stuck, a fear of ruining what is almost finished, or of doing “wrong” when there is nothing wrong to do.
That's where I was.
Some of my paintings were on the verge of being finished, but I couldn't move on.
So I decided to drop everything and do something completely different. That's when I rolled out a large piece of paper, took out the paints and started painting without thinking about the results. Just movement, breathing, curiosity.
Through the picture I could see that my arms were locked, as if my body carried the same hesitation as the painting.
But as the colors met, something began to change.
I received signs and guidance through the image itself, and let the contemplation lead me on.
The colors became healing impulses, a dialogue between the inner and the outer, between stillness and movement.
This process helped me to dissolve the blockage, not only in the painting, but in myself.
I believe that such creative processes can be used with many different intentions. To strengthen health, work on relationships, release anxiety, or simply find your way back to your own flow.
Painting in this way becomes a conversation with life itself.
A reminder that when you dare to face fear, freedom opens up.
Welcome to follow my Process.
Marita
Process 1
The body print with blue chalk.
I rolled out a white paper and sat on the floor with a blue crayon. I started drawing myself, it felt clumsy, disproportionate, like it would be wrong. But I did it anyway. I poured in orange and red, those were the colors I needed. Then a hole appeared in between, and I let everything rest. To create before self-censorship. To let the body speak before the brain analyzes.
The Face Reflects
The pink cross and the eyes that see.
I really felt my face take shape and started looking at myself like a mirror. My lips formed a pink cross, I hold things in. My eyes mirrored and reflected what I felt. And a pink rose grew, because I carry so much gratitude today.
When the image begins to look back. When silence speaks louder than words.
The orange field with two faces.
Suddenly I saw two beings in the orange. Two women talking. At first it felt like one saying 'you can't say that', but then it became one saying 'you have to be quiet'. I interpreted it as silence. When inner voices meet in color. When opposites melt into silence.
The First Movement of Freedom.
Hung on the wall. Arms about to lift. When I hung her on the wall, everything changed. I started to shape the face, and the journey began: to free her from the arms that were pulled down into the green. The women got more water. More discussion. The process towards freedom began. To give the picture a new place is to give the soul a new position. From heaviness to conversation.
Close-up of the women reflecting each other.
The two women live on as mirrors of the heart, one that sees and one that hears. An inner dialogue that never really ends, only changes expression.
The root of Red.
Close-up of the anchoring in the earth. A visual prayer for contact. To lie deeply anchored in the body's memory. The red field speaks of primal power, of boundaries, of security. This is where it all begins.
Expansion From Within. Rays of yellow, a new lightness. I began to remove the weight in my arms. I painted yellow to make her shine. The women's process falls silent. A sun wanted to emerge. The neck needed blue, so a blue heart became there. When the body asks for color to remember its freedom.
Balance in Blue. Blue meets yellow. The water rises. The water level was raised. I felt more balanced. It had become too much yellow, almost stressful, so I added blue. Now I feel happy, balanced. When balance is not the end but a gateway to the next expression.
Two shapes reappear in the blue, something wants to emerge again. The painting is allowed to rest and I invite the message of the night.
The message of the night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling that almost whispered to me, it's about the balance between dopamine and oxytocin. It was so clear. That's why these two figures in my inner world were given names: Dopamia and Oxytina. Hence my contemplation in the forest, which I shared earlier on the blog. It wasn't about going the long way for the sake of going, but about sensing what I actually needed at that moment. It became a shorter, slower path. And that was enough. I think I'll have to let this rest a little longer. Not paint on it right away, not yet. But it's started to move inside me. I stand and look into those eyes, my own, that stare straight into me and Dopamia who looks downright scary.
Process 2
Now the picture changes fields. The first painting has become still, like a breath that has been exhaled. I feel it is time to leave it, not as a farewell, but as a natural shift. Now something new begins. Dopamia and Oxytina no longer want to just whisper on the edges, they want to come forward completely. So I listen. The journey continues, in a completely new painting. One that will bear their name, their balance, their rhythm. I start by drawing myself again, to see what Dopamia and Oxytina have to say. First movement: I smear white paint in the middle, like a stream. It opens something up. The next color becomes blue, and suddenly the water starts gushing forward. I try to let go of the idea that the painting should have a clear message from the beginning, instead I follow the flow, without knowing where it will lead. The next color that comes to me is green. I fill up the surface, let it happen.
When I then hang the painting and look at it, I feel a clear masculine energy. A green shadow has begun to form in the background, something subtle but present. Now the picture has begun to speak a deeper language. I still don't know where it will lead, but it stirs up emotions in me. And that's exactly what makes it all so alive, to keep the thread alive and let yourself be led. It didn't turn out at all like I had expected. And that's what's exciting, to just stand there with the brush and let it happen. Now the painting is allowed to rest and dry. The colors will darken a bit, like acrylic does, and sometimes, when it has dried, even more can be glimpsed. It's so exciting.
The breath.
When I came into the studio today and looked at my blue-green creation, I took a deep breath, and something changed. I relaxed, and suddenly it no longer felt like water. I realized that I had created a breath. Imagine that a painting can take such turns, from water to breath. And there in the green, in the presence of nature, the breath also deepened. It became clear how the color, the shape and the field speak together. So now I stay in that contemplation and let the painting rest further.
Continuation in blue.
I have continued on my blue figure and notice how the body instinctively begins to breathe deeper, calmer. Maybe it is the colors. Maybe it is the very reminder to breathe. So I felt that something was missing, movement, circulation. And from this need something unexpected, but interesting, grew. A circle emerged, a gesture with the arms. A different direction. A heart came into being and a rose. The face took on a calm look. I noticed that the dark green background needed to be toned down. It took on a shimmer now, softer. Still like a shadow in the background, but with a new feeling. That is where contemplation can now rest.
Breath and yellow.
Today I continued with my breath. I did a 45-minute breathwork session, and somewhere in the middle of it, this yellow flow came through my whole body. It just appeared. Warm and moving. As if the body was saying: this is the color now. When I went back to the painting, it was completely obvious. I took the yellow and let it move into her. It felt like a kind of anchoring in myself. Some boundary that I am finding. I almost saw a sword in front of me, as if I was standing and holding it inside me. Not threatening, just very clear. And despite all that strength, the feeling is calm. Harmonious. The yellow wants something. I follow it.
Process 3
Purple shape.
It feels like the cuteness is over now. My breath showed me a bright figure with a sword, and she actually led me towards violet. But instead of painting her further, I chose to start over, and it was the right decision. At first I thought I would paint something soft and feminine in purple, but instead a rebellious gorilla figure emerged, with a portal at the heart. Powerful, clear, as if she is saying: now we go deeper. She triggers something in me. It feels like she wants to show the way forward.
The purple creature.
Oh, what a challenge this purple creature was. She is murky, almost gorilla-like, and it feels like she wants to say something. Not protest, but still indicate that something is going on. Today I was at the masseuse, and there I landed in exactly the calm I needed. He felt through the muscles, and it hurt a little, especially around the ribs and I had to remind myself: breathe, breathe, breathe. When I think about the painting now, it feels like something yellow and orange wants to come out from inside, as if the nervous system and muscles are responding. This painting is very physical right now. We'll see what wants to show itself. Orange embrace. The orange color, which I first thought would come more from inside, instead became a movement that formed an embrace. I am carried. When I paint, I relax in these orange arms and let myself be carried. I alternate between hanging, letting go and just resting in it. The face also needs to rest, there is something sad there that is allowed to come out. A big, deep breath that says: let go now. Just let go.
The portal and the liberation.
Now I stand here in my warrior stance. It is a powerful energy, but still it feels like I am trapped. The portal has opened up, and it brought back memories within my sexuality. It is so sensitive to talk about, and I got to stay there for a while and just feel. The portal in my chest is like a window, and it is like the little figure inside me is peering out through it. I have also been working more with my face, and it is fascinating how clearly it reflects where I am. Then came the pink. For me, pink is like a band-aid color of calm, and quite naturally a flower rose up and laid itself like a band-aid over my figure. As if the body itself knew what needed to land there. Now I get to see how I find clarity and process what needs to be processed. It is about dissolving, letting go and not carrying around old energies and memories. This is my liberation process, my way of moving forward. It feels a little emotional to share this, because it is starting to become intimate. But I know I'm not alone.
Process 4
The black painting.
Now I have left my safe painting. It can remain as it is. I have long felt that I should explore the dark, the black color, and suddenly this new painting was just born. Lots of black. Lots of water. It came so unexpectedly and that is precisely what makes creation so exciting for me, when something just appears and I jump on it right away. What feels so special about this one is that she does not look out into the room. She shows her back. It makes me go into deep contemplation myself, just sit in my armchair and feel what this is. It has something to do with my art and daring to show who I am, fully, without hiding. This painting became like a statement, straight up and down. I don't think I will do more with it. Now I have ordered more paper. It will be very exciting to see where this takes me next.
Process 5
Black Body.
I took the black paint and filled myself with it. I even forgot to take a photo during the process, because it was so incredibly exciting. There was so much water. A lot of water to breathe with and let move into the black. It was almost as if the paint had a life of its own and I just followed along. I let a lot of it flow. I followed my intuition all the way, impulse after impulse. There was something special about standing there and holding up the big sheet. It felt like a little improvisational theater, where I and the painting responded to each other. When I look at it now, I see myself in it. Front, back, how I turn, how I look in different directions. I see the contours of bodies and figures emerging. I can sit for a long time and just be with this painting.
Process 6
Pink and skin tone.
The black remains as a background, and at the same time I feel how pink takes over in me. I love pink, but it also triggers something. Different shades carry different emotions, and one of them awakened something in me today. When I started painting my outline, it slipped into skin tone. It was as if the body itself wanted it, and I went along with it. I also painted the skin tone with the big brush, which I almost never use. It feels so heavy and nice in the hand, and it becomes a completely different presence when I paint with it.
To sink down.
As I continued, it felt like she was going to sink below the surface. I used both the brush and my hands to get the paint to move properly. It became more physical than usual, as if my own movement went straight into the painting. The brush had to bring in the turquoise, and my hands helped her slide down. Finally she sank. Softly, exactly where she was going. Now she gets to rest there, below the surface, for a while.
Below the surface.
Now I stand here. By the still painting. She lies there… underwater. For the first time I see myself without hair. It’s strange. Naked. Something in me opens up in that image. She looks away. A little twisted. As if she already knows something I don’t yet understand. And slowly… I begin to see my own contours in her. More and more. It’s as if she’s showing me my form before I dare to step into it myself.
Process 7
Red is calling me.
After my pink body painting, I picked up a new canvas. I wanted to meet it where it was, without deciding in advance what would happen. The first thing that came to me was red. Red, red, red. A color I barely carry in life, but which now wanted to enter with an obvious force. Then everything slipped into orange and yellow, as if something inside me began to glow. At the same time, I stumbled upon the I Ching and saw that my elements, calculated based on my date of birth, correspond to fire under mountains. It describes an inner movement that rests on something stable. A glow that is carried by stillness. That was exactly the feeling I carried in my body today.
Red is calling me.
After my pink body painting, I picked up a new canvas. I wanted to meet it where it was, without deciding in advance what would happen. The first thing that came to me was red. Red, red, red. A color I barely carry in life, but which now wanted to enter with an obvious force. Then everything slipped into orange and yellow, as if something inside me began to glow. At the same time, I stumbled upon the I Ching and saw that my elements, calculated based on my date of birth, correspond to fire under mountains. It describes an inner movement that rests on something stable. A glow that is carried by stillness. That was exactly the feeling I carried in my body today.
The steps forward.
Today was Christmas signage in Ystad. I feel heavy in my soul. It is not always easy to walk new paths in life. But the steps carry me forward. I step into the studio again. I let everything be there, what I carry, what I miss, and the deep gratitude that still remains. I continue with my woman who now stands inside the mountain. I love the color yellow. It is like I illuminate myself through her. She also carries light in her hands now. I can carry what I feel. I can do it.
Process 8
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.
Process 8
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.
The Moon Woman appears.
Now I stand here with my Moon Woman, with all her layers and depths. An inner landscape and quiet movement. She has a diffuse surface that means you can't yet see the innermost clearly. And that's okay. She gets to stand in the night now. Maybe it's the full moon I'm feeling. I always get a little more emotional then, as if something in me is being pulled up to the surface. My feelings are always reflected in water and the sea. That's where I feel myself most clearly. The sea that moves, retreats, comes back. Just like me. I feel her face, her slow gaze that wanders. She feels alive in her stillness, right where I am. The sea rocked a little for a while, both in me and around me, but now it's almost silent. Breathe in the stillness, until you can stand there again.
Be like water.